I met my former partner on a butch-femme dating site and we were together for 12 years until I finally walked away. In the beginning, he spoiled me rotten. He would take me out to fancy restaurants and buy me flowers all the time. We worked on his business goals together. We traveled to different country fairs selling glass roses for his charity. We were intimate at times, but that’s when things became difficult. As an incest survivor and date rape survivor, my experience with intimacy was jaded already, and over time he started acting distant.
After a year and a half of dating, we moved in together. We had already broken up several times in that first year due to infidelity on his part. After one break-up, he stalked me. He went so far as to rent a car and wear a wig and hat and spy on me with my new girlfriend, which he told me years later. He then barged into my apartment, confronted her, and assaulted her. She was afraid and so was I. I ended up getting a restraining order, but I always went back. I felt abandoned each time he would break up with me. He would say it was my fault. My family had abandoned me in the past too, so I was determined to make this work. I thought it was me. I though I just needed to try harder.
Today, I am in a very healthy relationship. My girlfriend and I are open with each other and share everything. I go to therapy every week and have for many years. I’ve attended abuse counseling which was a tremendous help. It’s been 10 months since I walked away, leaving my home and everything in it to him. He continues to abuse me. I have a restraining order and he’s charging me with fraud now so I have been in court many times trying to let my truth be heard. It’s so hard but I’m finally free.
To anyone experiencing abuse… Don’t give up on yourself. Be stronger than you even know how. Seek help from others. Walk away. You’ve been through the worst already. Don’t believe what he/she says. It’s all lies.