He made me seem like I was crazy

We met online on a teens/young adult dating site. At first, it started out being just a casual thing after getting out of a previous relationship. He was very sweet, seemed to be very smart, and also gave me a lot of attention, which I liked a lot. Then, after only dating for a month, I was online talking to a guy friend I’ve known for years. Somehow, he found out and accused me of cheating on him. Over time, he got over it and acted normal again. On Halloween a few months later, we went out in a group of his friends. A few guys came up to me and were freaking me out. I couldn’t see my boyfriend but saw his friend so I grabbed his arm. Next thing I knew, someone behind me grabbed my arm and threw it in the air. It was my boyfriend screaming and asking, “Why where you holding his arm?” I explained everything but he said we were leaving and going home (his house I was spending the night at). Later that night, he kept giving me alcohol and I think I blacked out. I don’t remember anything else about that night.

A few more months went by when he told me he had to move to Nevada, and if I wanted to still be together then I needed to come with him. After moving there, he said that since I hurt him (by supposedly cheating) I wasn’t allowed to go and get a job since he couldn’t trust me (he wasn’t working either). He stopped paying my phone bill and I didn’t have a computer so it was mostly us 24/7, totally isolated from everyone.

Every few days when we would fight or something small or pointless, the end of the fight he would always tell me if I ever gained any weight he would leave me homeless. He brainwashed me into thinking that I wasn’t smart and no one would ever love me the way he does, that I’m some how crazy. I got to the point where I knew if I made him the wrong food or didn’t act a certain way he would start yelling at me and could do something bad. After we moved to another state to be close to his family, he allowed me to get a job. I was only allowed to be home or at work(sometime he would show up and watch me) or go grocery shopping but he had to be there with me at all times.

By this time, I was around 90 pounds wearing a size 00. I though if I lost more weight he would love me more (when we met I weighed around 140 pounds). After getting a job, I bought a cell phone for work and there where nights I would wake up to random text message from guys saying I was a slut, and that I had stds. (I found out only after leaving that he would take pictures of me, photoshopping off my clothes and sending it to guys asking for services from them). He would use me having a cell against me saying I’m texting guys and cheating on him.

To make him happy, I ended up being the one who mostly paid for all the bills, bought/cooked all the food, did all the cleaning after working 7 days a week. During work one day, I got a concussion and I was scared to even leave him and go to the hospital. He pushed me up against the wall and patted me very hard on the head screaming, “You’re f’ing fine you don’t need to go to the hospital.” While every other day, I was getting told I was worthless, or I was a bi*** for getting mad at him. He told me he would kill himself if I ever left and if I did his death would be on me.

I probably would still be stuck with him if my dad never got sick. That’s what saved me. My dad bought me a plane ticket to come see him. He broke up with me, took me to the airport and sent me off.  I sent him money to mail back my stuff but never saw anything or my $300 again. We were together for only 3 years.

During all of this, he made me seem like I was crazy, second guessing myself all the time. I was also very scared of what he would do. At the end, I was so mad that I let him do this to me and today, I’m still mad I didn’t get out before everything happened. I’m still trying to heal since it’s been over 5 years. What has helped me was becoming a mother and wife to a very supportive person who pushes me to succeed in life and helps me though everything. No matter what’s wrong or what I went though, they’re both there to love me at the end of the day. I’m so grateful.

To anyone experiencing abuse… If you see anything weird or red flags, leave right away don’t stay.

Anonymous

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