He manipulated me into thinking my beliefs were inferior…

We met at university. In the beginning, he was funny, intelligent, well-cultured, sociable. He would want to go out and spend time with friends, traveling and having fun conversations, going to concerts and taking pictures. We would regularly go out to eat. Everything was very normal.

Little by little there was less socializing with others, less going out, less holiday celebrations. He would claim holidays were a waste to celebrate. Then more of smoking weed (which I hated), excessive drinking and excessive gaming. Small insults became larger until insults weren’t enough (a lot of yelling too). He manipulated me into thinking my beliefs were inferior and that I knew nothing about drugs because I never experienced them. Then the physical abuse began. He would strangle me and smash me against things. It took me a year to go out by myself and meet with a friend, whom I told everything to. She told me to leave and don’t give a notice. That’s exactly what I did.

I felt confused, depressed, and alone. I went through a drinking phase, a terrible dating phase, and a complete meltdown phase within two years after the relationship was over. The hardest part was leaving that friend and family group and being alone. Also having to hear that some people didn’t understand how I felt or what was happening to me and they didn’t attempt to understand it either. But I realized I was not alone and that I should always stand up for myself no matter what.

Every day now, I am rebuilding my hobbies, working hard, and never forgetting my own identity. It’s taken a lot and sometimes people want to believe my abuse defines me which is why I don’t mention it at all until I know people well.

To anyone experiencing abuse… Always believe in yourself, write how you feel, talk to YOUR friends, and be careful


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