I just wanted the man he pretended to be when I met him…

I just wanted the man he pretended to be when I met him

We met when I was at work -he was a customer. In the beginning of our relationship, he was very secretive and asked for blind trust. Eventually, I found out I was the other woman – he was married. We talked it over and he told me he was going to get divorced and start a life with me. After 3 months of falling deep in love, he choose me and once I was his main focus, he would escape our problems to his wife. He would get drunk and use my past against me. When we lived together, he wouldn’t let me control the AC temperature, wouldn’t let me have people over, he hid his phone from me, he would text his wife while laying in bed with me. He slammed my arm in a door, and finally when I decided to move, he filed a restraining order against me, lying that I was the abusive one.

I loved him. He chose me. I wanted him. I just wanted the man he pretended to be when I met him. After the honeymoon phase, I used excuses, I cried more than ever, I drank more, I started anxiety pills, I got fired from work due to my relationship issues, I dropped out of school. After my relationship my sister told me that I only went to her when we broke up (which was often) and that’s not ok. My ex and I lived with my aunt for a short time and my aunt told me it was ok for me to not go to bed with him, like I could stay up and watch tv with my aunt and uncle. Once we got our own place, I tried to stayed up and watch tv while he went to bed and he demanded I go to bed with him. Anytime I would get away from him, he would wiggle his way back in and tell me I was his soulmate and the love of his life. But I not so quickly learned this was just because the breakup was not his decision. He would con me back into a relationship and then would break up with me a week later in his terms. He once changed his number and we got back together and we were back together for a month before he accidentally gave me his new number. So many red flags that love made me look past.

After I unintentionally made him jealous, he made sure to get back at me. He went to a bar, called me, put me on speaker and made me listen to him talk to other girls. Then asked if I wanted to see how many numbers he got. I left the state and started a new life. I still have PTSD about dating, about going back to visit my family. I still have nightmares but I know I am getting better. Slowly but surely.

To anyone experiencing abuse… Do what you need feel is best for you. I was called selfish for leaving my friends and family but I NEEDED to be for my mental health. I remember sitting outside his house in my car crying and not knowing what was reality anymore. I was literally losing my mind. Do not look past the red flags. He won’t change. The person you fell in love with does not exist.

Ali V.

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