In hindsight, I should have known…

He did security for the apartment complex while I was in college. He was funny and made feel beautiful and loved. It was so long ago now, but there were signs which, in hindsight, I should have known. He’d make statements of me flirting with his friends but in reality, we were just in a conversation which he was involved in too. I do remember I felt guilty, like I somehow subconsciously was flirting. I know I never wore the light pink blouse again.

Today, I mourn the person I was back then, yet I am happier and stronger than I ever thought I could be.  I love myself. I have experienced what real love is, and know that what we had was not real love. 

To anyone experiencing abuse… You are stronger than you think you are. Reach out to those you trust. Talk to a counselor or group counseling. There is light beyond your Hell. You are smart, unique, and beautiful. Keep telling yourself this every day. I know it is hard. You may feel guilty, like damaged goods, but your life is important. Life is not a life when you live in fear of it every day.

Martha A.

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