It felt too good to be true…

I met my partner through a friend. Her boyfriend worked with him. The beginning was beautiful! I thought he was my dream come true. Too good to be true. He was so sweet and cared so much for me.

When things started to change, he became controlling first. He didn’t want me to go home. He didn’t like that I talked to my family. He took my means of transportation. Then came the violent outbursts. At first, it was not towards me. Then it shifted. He yelled in my face. Then he wouldn’t allow me to leave. Then he became physical: choking, punching, kicking etc. Finally, he became sexually abusive. He rationalized it away as I was his wife. He could be intimate with me whenever he wanted. He cut me off from my support system. He convinced me that I couldn’t make it on my own. This went on for years.

Throughout the relationship, I was confused. I thought I had done something wrong for him to change from my dream come true to this controlling, cold behavior. Today, I am still angry and still feel fear. My son helped me to find my courage. I fought to keep his innocent life happy and healthy. I have now semi-opened up to my family. They know I was abused. They don’t know details but they support me. I’ve also reached out to his other victims. We speak regularly. It helps to speak to others who have had the same experience.

To anyone experiencing abuse… If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Trust your instincts. If a voice is telling you it is not right, listen. If you find yourself in an abusive situation, leave quickly and safely. It will not get better. They will not change. You can leave and they can’t control you. Reach out for help. You can not deal with this on your own. It is dangerous and your life is at risk.

Stephanie A.

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