“My fears turned into motivation to leave and survive…”
We grew up together, reconnected on Facebook and married one another while he was enlisted in the Army. At first, things were ‘honeymoon’ like. He went out of his way to make sure I was happy and comfortable. Eventually, things changed. He became accusatory, controlling and verbally abusive. We would argue and he would place blame on me to take the attention off of all of the things he was doing to hurt me, like cheating, name calling and breaking my belongings.
I felt scared, responsible, and depressed. I was stationed over-seas on an Army base in Italy when co-workers noticed the behavior. I was pulled aside and spoken to by a handful of friends and co-workers. They told me it was not normal and they were worried. I was hesitant on leaving, until he tried to commit suicide as a ploy to get me to stay. After the trauma of that situation, my fears turned into motivation to leave and survive.
Today, I feel happy, worthy and safe. It took a lot of overcoming fears, leaving my comfort zone and visiting doctors and being put on prescriptions for anxiety and depression.
To anyone experiencing abuse… Trust your gut. Love is not controlling, jealous or hurtful. That is not what love looks like. If you tell yourself “he doesn’t hit me” chances are there are other forms of real abuse, and you need to leave for your personal safety before it escalates to being physical.